Day after Christmas - changing disappointment into a gift

This will - I promise - be one of the few blogs that are negative. Angry. Disappointed. I guess there's no reason to share the reasons for all these with the world, but it's enough to join with others who feel the same, and to think about it with you. I'm not disappointed with the gifts. It's definately the thought that is important. What I'm disappointed with is acceptance. The acceptance of the gift regardless of whether or not it's completely understood. The gift isn't entirely from the person giving the gift. Equally important is the gift that the recipient gives back to the giver. The joy in receiving the gift. The acknowledgement of the thought that went into giving it. They took away my most anticipated joy - laughter and fun with my family. That anticipation was ripped from me. It hurts not to have your gift accepted. Sometimes the rejection is smooth and harmless. Sometimes it's blatant and hurtful. Damaging. Heart breaking. What is the giver supposed to do then? How do we change that anticipation of joy into some version of overt rejection? I've been hurt. Terribly. Heartbreakingly. Right now the result is that I don't care. My feeling are frozen. There is another brick placed in my virtual wall of protection. I don't care about the person who hurt me even though they're supposed to be my primary support. I feel beaten up spiritually. I guess I'll get dressed. Have a cup of coffee. Shovel the new snow from the driveway. And then I'll do what I've been wanting to do. I want to volunteer at a hospice. I want to sit with those people whose families have either forgotten them or who can't get to them. 2 years ago I was lucky enough to sit with a close friend through many of her last days. Other than me, she was alone. It's time for me to share a gift of quiet company with others. That will be my Christmas gift this year.