Day after Christmas - changing disappointment into a gift

This will - I promise - be one of the few blogs that are negative. Angry. Disappointed. I guess there's no reason to share the reasons for all these with the world, but it's enough to join with others who feel the same, and to think about it with you. I'm not disappointed with the gifts. It's definately the thought that is important. What I'm disappointed with is acceptance. The acceptance of the gift regardless of whether or not it's completely understood. The gift isn't entirely from the person giving the gift. Equally important is the gift that the recipient gives back to the giver. The joy in receiving the gift. The acknowledgement of the thought that went into giving it. They took away my most anticipated joy - laughter and fun with my family. That anticipation was ripped from me. It hurts not to have your gift accepted. Sometimes the rejection is smooth and harmless. Sometimes it's blatant and hurtful. Damaging. Heart breaking. What is the giver supposed to do then? How do we change that anticipation of joy into some version of overt rejection? I've been hurt. Terribly. Heartbreakingly. Right now the result is that I don't care. My feeling are frozen. There is another brick placed in my virtual wall of protection. I don't care about the person who hurt me even though they're supposed to be my primary support. I feel beaten up spiritually. I guess I'll get dressed. Have a cup of coffee. Shovel the new snow from the driveway. And then I'll do what I've been wanting to do. I want to volunteer at a hospice. I want to sit with those people whose families have either forgotten them or who can't get to them. 2 years ago I was lucky enough to sit with a close friend through many of her last days. Other than me, she was alone. It's time for me to share a gift of quiet company with others. That will be my Christmas gift this year.

New Years Eve 2012

Only another hour and a quarter until the end of this year. We passed April Fools Day. We lived through the end of the Mayan calendar. We've shovelled out of our first snowfall. Now it will be a new year. Our gym will over flow with all those who think they're going to change their lives by making a resolution. We'll be figuring out how much we owe in taxes or how much to get back, but either way people will complain. We could go on like that, or we can flip the switch in our minds. My children are all healthy, and I like them most of the time. My husband is home every night. I'm taking better care of myself without being fanatical about it. We're planning for the future while living in the present. So, no resolutions, no changes, no regrets, no bragging. We are where we are, and we'll see where we go. Maybe a little direction, a little luck, a little thanks for being where I am and for where I'm going.

Back at it.

Well, I'm back into the job search. Officially. Again. Ugh!

Okay, I'm done with that. Now, where is my list of business cards? It's time to reach out and touch again. I'll be going through my address book, through my LinkedIn contacts, and will start twittering again, too.

So, if you're reading this, let me know what you would like to know about this search. Suggest things. Ask things. Let me know what you think about the things that are written here.

Because, here I go again!!

Thoughts of a telecommuter

How do you like that for a title? "Thoughts of a telecommuter". Hmmmm.... Does it make you think? Do you wonder what in the world could possibly be interesting about that?

I moved away from my family almost 3 weeks ago to take a job in Lansing. That is 100 miles from my family. I like the job. It's interesting. I understand the goals while at the same time I'm learning the project. So far it hasn't tipped me over the edge of sanity.

But I am seeing other things. I guess it's normal to go through this process, or at least I hope so! Funny things. Sometimes. It was almost weird to go home to my family last weekend. I spent the day alone while everyone else was at work or at friends. It's a place where we can improve our relationships by figuring out how to make the time we're together have value while not expecting us to all sit home and stare at each other just because I'm there.

I've been in this apartment for almost 2 weeks now. I've discovered that I'm not a fan of having upstairs neighbors who have their TV directly over my bedroom. They're definately not out of line, but I can even hear their footsteps as they cross the floor of their apartment which just happens to be the ceiling of mine. Today I actually decided to move into another apartment, and just as I was getting ready to call the guy to tell him I wanted the apartment he called me to tell me he had just rented it. Doesn't that suck! I do like this apartment - it has character and crooked floors. So why do I want to move?

I need to find things to do in this community. Maybe I'll look up the local Methodist church to see what they have going on during the week. I also thought of finding an old folks home and visiting there. I kind of enjoy talking with those who can't talk back for some reason.

Who else out there is just starting to experience being somewhere new, away from their family? How are you coping? What are you learning? What insight can you give?

The Hidden Job Market

Have you ever considered how hidden "The Hidden Job Market" really is? Last week during the career club that I lead we decided to focus on the hidden job market during our next couple meetings. One of our group hadn't heard of it.

Now, I've heard of it. It's huge, hidden (duh), time consuming, energy sapping and doesn't always seem like a profitable focus in our search for a new job. I mean, honestly, there are so many jobs listed on all those job sites....

So how do we do this? I don't know, but I do know that I'm going to get better at it. And so is everyone in our career club. We are all going to learn, and then we're going to focus. We're going to get better, to get noticed, to get interviews, and hopefully we're going to get jobs.

What secret do I want to share about the hidden job market? For me it's knowing that if I want to put some quality focus on it, it isn't secret or hidden, but it's there for the taking.

Branding - what is it?

The other day I was meeting with my career club and we were discussing "branding". Quite frankly, outside of it being something that cowboys inflict on cows, who knows what it is? Nobody who I know can tell me what "Branding" is. Oh, we know is has something to do with being recognized. Ok.... What????

I'll add more about this later. For now, just think about it. Do you know what "Branding" means? Or how to get it? Or is it how to do it?? Until I get back to this later, while you're thinking about this, jot down a few words that really describe yourself. Later I'll tell you why.

I was bold today!

I did it!! In December I provided my resume to a non-profit where I have been volunteering for years, and where now they have an opportunity that I think I can do. I know things can move slowly, but enough time has passed that I now have an interview scheduled with another company. That's a good thing! But I don't want to take a job - if offered - simply because it's offered. I want to be sure that I find and accept the job that I want.

So, I requested a meeting with the hiring manager. For me that was bold.

But why should that be bold? I am bold in other things, especially when I'm sure that I'm right. So what is so scarey about requesting a meeting?

A week to so ago I wrote about having nothing to lose. If that's true, why do I consider this action to be bold?

Well, this place has a process in place. If I really want to work for a specific place (any place) should I really be going outside of their process on purpose? If I really have nothing to lose, am I losing or not losing by pushing them?

Anyway, next week I have 2 interviews. One is in my field and probably the only questionable thing is the length of the drive. The other is much closer but is outside my known comfort zone although in a direction that I like. I will be spending time during the next few days preparing for both of these very different interviews. It's exciting, scarey and exhilarating.

What are the personal needs during a job search and how do we acknowledge those?

Ok, I'm still on this subject, but I promise, I'll change soon!

Most of us attend networking groups, training, volunteer work or some other social event related to our job searches. But do you ever wonder "Is there anyone out there who thinks like me?" or "How does everyone survive this?". The existing events are good within their purposes, but where do you go to discuss yourself rather than your search?

When I listen to others at these events there seem to be many individuals who say the same things. "I'm tired of reading about tips to have the perfect resume" or "80% of postings on job boards are bogus so what do I do?". In other words, there is a lot of legitimate frustration out there among us. But I've never come across anything organized where we can discuss and deal with these things.

I would like to know how everyone takes care of themselves during this phase of their career search. Are there any sort of support groups out there where members actually discuss their personal issues as those relate to the job search?

Where do you go, or how do you express yourself when you are different from what the newspaper says you should be doing? I am tired of having to read some "tip" about how to find a job. How do you acknowledge and accomodate the ups and downs of the job search so that you can do all the other things necessary?

Am I alone or are there others like me?

Let’s continue with this thought. I’ve mentioned it before. Am I the only person like me? Does anybody else think like I think about being unemployed?

Sometimes it seems like there is a secret society of unemployed people who are searching for jobs – for that next, elusive career. How can I say that? There are network groups, job boards, news articles galore!! There’s nothing secret about Michigan’s unemployment levels.
Ok, tell me this. Where can I go to talk with another person about our “down days”? We all (I presume – since there’s no place to actually go to talk about it) go through cycles where we’re gung ho at our searches and then we drop through the floor and can’t bear to do another thing. Does that mean we’re depressed and need a shrink? Or are we normal?

What about duration? Some of us have been out of work for months and years. We do all the “right things” like apply to jobs, go to networking sessions, volunteer and take classes. But we’re still unemployed!! Are we just losers? Are we not doing it the best way? Or are there really just no opportunities? What?

I could go on with more, but basically, is there anyone else out there like me? Actually, yes!! There are discussions in LinkedIn where people write “Thank you!” because there is something out there to show that we think and we feel!

So the next question should be, what do we do to make this better?

What did you learn?

Am I the only person like me? Does anybody else think like I think about being unemployed? Has anyone else learned anything because of being unemployed?

I don't mean did you learn how to write a resume or to use linkedin, or are you angry about being unemployed. I mean, DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING?

What are you doing? We can't all be sitting here behind our computers and still be sane! How do you balance your life? Where do you get your joy? Where do you give back to your community?

What? I want you to think about giving back? How can we do that? We aren't bringing anything in. Well, other than food stamps and unemployment, I mean.... Yes! How do you give back?

I have a blog. It's www.kathywalton.blogspot.com. It's where I have been writing down what I think.

I think that there should be a column in the weekly edition of Freep that is like my blog. Personally, I'm really tired of reading all these "tips" on how to find a job or write a resume or increase my network. Good grief! We've been unemployed forever. I want to see something that is written by someone like me. How are we surviving, keeping our sanity and our humor?

So, Freep Editor, read my stuff, call me, tell me you want to hear more from me. Not just because I think it's a great idea, but because there are others like me out there and we need to know that each other exists, that we think similiarly, that we deal with our own problems, and that we still manage to give back, to smile, and to keep our sanity.

This is how I think we can give back.